2. I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute.  If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again

6. I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem

7. Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience

8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key

9. I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier

10. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter

11. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

12. My reality check bounced

13. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt

14. Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted

15. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before

16. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get

17. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard

18. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

19. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't

20. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done

21. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried

22. Following the rules will not get the job done