People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
Any time
you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a
blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the
proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not
bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught
-- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
Top
management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's
work; it's volume that counts. Pile them
high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the
document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when
he/she arrives.
Never
answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because
they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want
YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls
through voice mail. If somebody
leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond
during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
According
to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to
give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
Always
leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read
magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until
late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your
way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.)
and during public holidays.
Sigh
loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
It is not
enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor
etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
Read up on
some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use
the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't
have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!