Hospitality

Tony Blair is being shown around a hospital. Towards the end of his visit he is taken to a ward with a number of people with no obvious injury.

He greets the first person, and the first person replies:

"Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face,

Great chieftan o' the puddin' race!

Aboot the a' ye tak yer place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy o' a' grace

As langs my arm."

Tony, being a wee bit confused, goes to the next person and greets them, and the second person replies:

"Some hae meat, an' canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an' we can eat,

An' sae the Lord be thankit."

Tony, being a muckle confused, goes to the next person and greets them, and the third person replies:

"Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous, beastie,

O, fit a panic's in thy breastie!

Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

Wi bickerin' brattle!

I wad be laith to rin an chase thee,

Wi murderin' pattle!"

Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks:

"Is this a mental ward?"

"No", replies the doctor, "It's the Burns unit."