English Lessons
                                 
(Four All Who Reed and Right)

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
 
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
                                  
You may find a lone house or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.                        
 
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
 
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
 
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
 
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren

(or sister but not sistern).

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
 
Let's face it,
English is a crazy language!                
 
There is no egg in eggplant,

nor ham in hamburger;
and neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
 
English muffins weren't invented in England.
 
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:

- quicksand can work slowly

- boxing rings are square and

- a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
 
And why is it that:

- writers write but fingers don't fing

- grocers don't groce and

- hammers don't ham?
 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
 
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
 
Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
 
In what other language do people:

- recite at a play and play at a recital?

- ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
- people have noses that run and feet that smell?
 
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:

- your house can burn up as it burns down and

- you fill in a form by filling it out and

- an alarm goes off by going on.
                        
 Author Unknown