Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

A first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer that 'the sky is falling, the sky is falling.' The teacher then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' A little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said, 'Holy cow! A talking chicken!' The teacher reported there was uproar for the next ten minutes.

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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked. 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' the child answered. 'You did what?' the teacher gasped. 'Well,' explained the boy. 'I leaned over and went 'Psst' in its ear and it didn't move.'

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During a violent thunderstorm one night, a mother tucked her son into bed and was about to turn off the light when he asked shakily if she would sleep with him. She gave him a hug and said she had to sleep in Dad's room. As she went out the door, she heard, 'The big sissy.'

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A little girl asked her mother if she could go outside and play with the boys. She was told that she couldn't as they were too rough. A few minutes later the girl asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that

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Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? "Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

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A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mom, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"