The COMPANY CAR is able to travel for at least 200
miles with the fuel guage warning light on, and the needle pointing to
'empty'. For the drivers convenience, a plastic pipe can be found in the tool
box to enable the driver to siphon out the fuel to put in his/her privately
owned car.
GEAR BOX
The COMPANY CAR is able to drive faster than other
models, in any gear, particularly reverse.
ASHTRAY
The ashtray in the COMPANY CAR takes the form of
the dashboard.
WASTE DISPOSAL
The COMPANY CAR features a unique waste disposal
unit known as the floor, in which all litter i.e.old newspapers, fag ends,
used paper hankies, chocolate bar wrappers and empty crisp packets can be
deposited.
BASIC MAINTENANCE
Basic maintenance i.e. Oil, water etc, is not
required on the COMPANY CAR
TYRE CHECKS
The COMPANY CAR is fitted with special wear proof,
puncture proof tyres which need never be checked. The spare wheel can be sold
by the driver and used on his/her own car.
PAINT/BODYWORK
A special scratch proof and dirt repellant paint
is used on the COMPANY CAR and as such, cleaning is not required.
AMENDMENTS TO HIGHWAY CODE
The COMPANY CAR driver benefits from changes in
the Highway code which include:
Abolition of all speed limits
Priority over all other road users
Permission to drive in the 'fast 'lane at all
times
General disregard for public safety.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
All rattles, scraping noises and loud
knocking/banging can be eliminated by careful use of the volume control on the
in-car entertainment system.
SERVICING
The COMPANY CAR warranty includes a full service
warranty every 6000 miles (or every fortnight whichever is first). However, as
the COMPANY CAR does not need servicing, the driver will use this as an excuse
to skive off work, i.e."I can't come into work tomorrow, as I am taking
the COMPANY CAR to be serviced"
EXTRAS
The COMPANY CAR carries an extensive array of
extras which may be sold by the driver or removed and used on his/her own
private vehicle. These include wheel trims, stereo system and speakers, tool
kit, first aid kit, aerial, sunroof, clock, headrests and carpet.
RETURNING THE VEHICLE
The COMPANY CAR should be replaced after 1 year.
In this time, it is guaranteed to be free from all mechanical defects.
After this, it will probably break down after 5
miles for some unlucky buyer who bought it from a scrap dealer.
HAPPY MOTORING !!