TECH SUPPORT:  What kind of computer do you  have?
Female CUSTOMER:  A white one...

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CUSTOMER:  Hi, this is Celine. I  can't get my diskette out.
TECH SUPPORT:  Have you tried  pushing the button?
CUSTOMER:  Yes, sure, it's really  stuck.
TECH SUPPORT:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
CUSTOMER:  No ... wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it  yet ... it's still on my desk ... sorry ....

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TECH SUPPORT:  Click on the 'my  computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
CUSTOMER:  Your  left or my left?

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TECH SUPPORT:   Good day. How may I help you?
Male CUSTOMER:  Hello ... I  can't print.
TECH SUPPORT:  Would you click on "Start" for me and ...
CUSTOMER:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

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CUSTOMER:  Hi, good  afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says  'Can't find printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't  find it ...

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CUSTOMER:  I have  problems printing in red ...
TECH SUPPORT:  Do you have a  colour printer?
CUSTOMER:  Aaaah .................... thank  you.

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TECH SUPPORT:  What's on  your monitor now, ma'am?
CUSTOMER:  A teddy bear my  boyfriend bought for me.

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CUSTOMER:  My keyboard is not  working anymore.
TECH SUPPORT:  Are you sure it's plugged  into the computer?
CUSTOMER:  No. I can't get behind the  computer.
TECH SUPPORT:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
CUSTOMER:  OK
TECH SUPPORT:  Did the  keyboard come with you?
CUSTOMER:  Yes
TECH SUPPORT:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
CUSTOMER:  Yes, there's another one here.  Ah ... that one does work ...

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TECH SUPPORT:  Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a  capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
CUSTOMER:  Is  that 7 in capital letters?

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CUSTOMER:  I can't get on the  Internet.
TECH SUPPORT:  Are you sure you used the right password?
CUSTOMER:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do  it.
TECH SUPPORT:  Can you tell me what the password was?
CUSTOMER:  Five  dots.

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TECH SUPPORT:  What  anti-virus program do you use?
CUSTOMER:  Netscape.
TECH SUPPORT:  That's not an anti-virus program.
CUSTOMER:   Oh, sorry ... Internet  Explorer.

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CUSTOMER:   I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer,  but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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TECH SUPPORT:  How may I help  you?
CUSTOMER:  I'm writing my first e-mail.
TECH SUPPORT:  OK, and what seems to be the problem?
CUSTOMER:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but  how do I get the
circle around it?

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TECH SUPPORT:  Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type
the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
CUSTOMER:  I don't have a P.
TECH SUPPORT:  On your  keyboard, Bob.
CUSTOMER:  What do you mean?
TECH SUPPORT:  "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob.
CUSTOMER:  I'M  NOT GOING TO DO THAT!