Unavoidable Laws

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

* 1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

* 2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool or small part, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

* 3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* 4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

* 5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

* 6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* 7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* 8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* 9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

* 10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

* 11. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

* 12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* 14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, colour and cost of the carpet/rug.

* 15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

* 16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

* 17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

* 18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* 19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.