Gentlemanly Advice For Women

LADIES, TAKE NOTE:

1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon, or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

2. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

3. Crying is blackmail.

4. Ask for what you want. Let it be clear on this one, subtle hints do not work, obvious hints do not work: Just Say it!

5. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. And that doesn't mean "Yes AND no".

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments are null and void after 7 days.

9. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

10. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you feel sad or angry, we meant the other one.

11. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, NOT BOTH. If you already know how to do it, just do it yourself.

12. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

13. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

14. ALL men see in only 16 colours, just like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Taupe is.

15. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'Nothing', we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

16. If you ask a question to which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

18. You have enough clothes.

19. You have too many shoes.

20. I AM in shape, round is a shape!

21. Thank you for reading this. Yes I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that men really don't mind that. It's like camping.