Understanding Women

WOMEN'S REVENGE 

Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. " No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal, evil thing I could do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. How can you take boiling wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider?

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's BERO, isn't it?" The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.

JUST A FEW MORE FOR THE ROAD

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yes" the wife replied. "In-laws."

HARD OF HEARING?

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each day.....30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband turned to his wife and asked, "What?" 

THE POPE AND SANTU

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Indians had to leave Italy.  Naturally there was a big uproar from the Indian community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a debate with a member of the Indian community. If the Indian won, the Indians could stay. If the Pope won, the Indians would leave. The Indians realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Santu to represent them. Santu asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Santu and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santu looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santu pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santu pulled out an apple.  The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Indians can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to all religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?" Meanwhile, the Indian community had crowded around Santu. "What happened?" they asked. "Well" said Santu , "First he said to me that the Indians had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Indians. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, yes,.. and then???" asked the crowd. "I don't know", said Santu ,"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!"  !